The last week has been trying! I'm tired and worn out. Stressed and angered. More importantly, I find myself struggling with forgiving others. Especially, when they know what they are doing and do it anyway. I try hard to forgive people who spitefully set out to wreck havoc in my life or inflict pain. Only at what costs?
You aren't any happier than you were before your brought your wreckage my way, but due to my continuous prayers during your wrecking that God give me strength, wisdom, and understanding in my reactions, actions, and words at the moment... you didn't get the response you wanted.
I really don't know if God answered my prayers or if I leaned on my own understanding of pacify and desist is the fastest way of ending a tirade. I think the worst part of any argument that is one-sided is when the person asks you to participate in the one-sided argument as if you are psychic to know how they would respond or could forsee the future and know if you would act or feel the same way. Antics in arguments that really make me only listen to cue words of when to say, ok, and alright. I naturally tune out, but even though some people know this is not the way to get their side heard, why do they still employ this technique???
Baffles the hell out of and makes me furious that miserable people want to make me their company. Then, get mad when I dodge their attempts and refuse to give in.
For instance, I have been ignoring my calls lately during class time because ummm I'm studying for a test that will dictate what school I get into and how much money I receive. The message got to me anyway through a birdy in my house. I return the call the next day during my free time only to hear an exaggerated what if that it could have been an emergency. Like this was about to lead into a full blown argument on her side.
I really think people are not used to other people safeguarding and protecting their time. Regardless of many attempts to trespass on my time by others recently, which has really angered me that people cannot take a freaking hint that I am on a mission for the next three weeks turned four years... It is hard to forgive miserable people who try their darnest to make me their company.
I guess knowing that misery loves company and hurt people hurt people, I am a little more inclined to forgive, but grown people know better. Or maybe, that is just an presumption on which I have. You don't know what you don't know. So, I will make a better effort and forgive the many miserable accounts that misery has tried to make me front seat passenger in the form of family and friends. I'm sure they don't really mean it. I am a progress in work.
Letting go as I exhale and forgiving everyone who tried or did hurt me. Woosah! (Wish it was that easy though, but it has to be done or else I get stuck and won't move forward.)
